91. At the wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his toast, which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper. How can you tell if a bucket is not well? So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, How many people here make love once a day? Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. What will happen to her?" "She does indeed have a fear of frying and mental problems that she attributes to deep-fat fryers." Why was the leper hockey game cancelled? The patient reply, Since I was born. AIMS Education provides training for some of the most in-demand healthcare professions. Dr. Young: "But this is only $500" Is that so! So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, How many people My mother was rushed to the hospital following a serious tumble. Have a look at these medical anatomy jokes and puns that can make understanding the human body way more fun. If you want to spice up your knock knock jokes, why not make them a little dirtier? 62. After practicing law for several months, I was talking with my brother, John, a doctor. 3.Why did the man go to the ENT doctor? Red Blood Count: Dracula, Secretion: Hiding something "Her father died from a heart attack at age 12.". It is said to be linked with not taking the world too critically. 39. A medical student was told to remove the spleen from a cadaver. Here are comments purportedly made by patients to physicians during their procedures. My teenage patients mother was concerned. 64. The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?" Here you will find the nasty and sexual limericks that we can't show on the main page. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help. said the businessman. Why dont you just take off that last four? I Three guys are fishing when an angel appears. 71. My grandfather then turned to the nurse and said, I hope he doesnt ask me any more questions. 10. I keep seeing ghosts. 'You're liver-ly!'. Im sorry, we dont treat patients with colds. 37. "Dont worry," the nurse assured him. In 2017, a group of Austrian neuroscientists ran tests on cognitive processing, and they highlighted the fact that people who. The jokes need to be about something or someone that many people know. Answer: Because he was having trouble hearing things out of one ear. I just had a successful liver transplant operation. I can never remember the name.. ", Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra." Patient: Doctor, I think Im losing my hearing. What do you think?! 7. From accidentally passing gas to unintentionally pooping themselves, there are some pretty dirty things that can happen to patients. She nonetheless is not speaking to me. He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. A: A urologist! "There was a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said 'Keep off the Grass. I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport puns. Armed with this new phrase, I said to my next patient, Mr. The doctor asked him a series of questions: Do you know where you are? Youre not completely useless. Id like to have kids one day. You have cancer and it is inoperable. Our list of medical puns would not be complete without puns about medicine. They dont know where home is. Youre down to 14 pounds.. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." 45. While dark humor can be funny, you should always be aware of your surroundings if you are to laugh at something because it could be seen as offensive to others if you laugh at something inappropriate in front of them. Jokes are always good as ice breakers. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. Bad medical puns are hard to stomach. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. There comes a time, every once in awhile, where we need to take a trip to the doctor or the hospital. Why did the doctor go to the beach? 113. Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!". I asked. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: A brick. But I couldnt clear the top of the mattress. As I become old, I keep in mind all of the individuals I lost alongside the best way. Before I had a chance to tell her that all the After practicing law for several months, I was talking with my brother, John, a doctor. The first guy says, Ive suffered from back pain for years. A little joke when you're sick never hurt antibody. Once a week? A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. 25. Just name the fee. We arrive on scene, and she hands us an empty mint container, saying she took them all. Where? he asked. I dont understand what the point of acupuncture is! The scientist slaps his forehead. Guess customers will have to go the DIY way. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. When the angel tosses the lenses into the lake, the man gains 20/20 vision. My paramedic team was called to an emergency. "Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. Thats it! he says. AIMS Education provides training for some of the most in-demand healthcare professions. If I had known the difference between the words antidote and anecdote, one of my good friends would still be alive. Ill never look at beef stroganoff the same again! Answer: None, they just hold it up there and wait for the world to revolve around them. "Bad news is I should have told you on Tuesday.". Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. David: "Doctor, he didnt hang himself. "Has it got rubies and Proofreading an instruction manual for a hospital ventilator, I did a double take when I came across this questionable troubleshooting tip: "If the problem persists, replace patient immediately. This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure, the anesthesiologist reassured me. If you want to move on from dirty jokes but want to keep the laughs coming, we have more jokes and puns for you! A guy suffering from a miserable cold begs his doctor for relief. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the A scientist tells a pharmacist, Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid. 1.How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb? 55. 12. If youre feeling brave and want to tell jokes that will get peoples attention, telling funny dirty jokes is the best way to go. A harried man runs into his physicians office. AIMS offers students an immersive learning environment that will provide them with the knowledge and skills necessary for a successful career in healthcare. And thats what a woman doesnt want to hear while having sex. 1: Want to take a look at my benefit package? Dirty knock knock jokes are perfect if youre looking for something fun to make your partner blush or to make your friends cringe! ", At the dentist's office for oral surgery, I was handed a couple of forms to fill out. Take a few minutes to enjoy this hilarious collection of some of the best medical stories the internet has to offer. "When standing with eyes closed, he missed his right finger to his nose and has to search for it on the left side." 15. 99. 76. When the night shift nurse arrived, I recounted what had happened. 56. He starts coffin. Id never had surgery, and I was nervous. That request prompted one of them to suggest a unique solution: "Send six nurses to the top three names on the list of hospital administrators, and then send your request to five other colleagues. ", 8. the victim cries. They say theres a person capable of murder in every friendship group. Why is JFK bad at math? Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. 59. ", A stranger walks up to an Egyptian man at the Cairo bazaar and offers to sell him contraband Viagra for 100 Egyptian pounds. Kelly Morris worked at the nursing facility A dirty laugh borne out of a dirty joke will help you get by. When neurons commit a crime, they are put in a nerve cell. Our goal is to see every student enjoy a successful career in the healthcare field. Last Valentines Day, I arrived at the doctors office where I work as a receptionist to find a mystery man pacing up and down holding a package. The cookie went to the hospital because it was feeling crummy! When the doctor does his history and physical, he It was my first night caring for an elderly patient. The same can be said for these English-challenged notes doctors wrote on patient charts: Take a look at our list of the best dad jokes that will make you love and annoy you at the same time! It REALLY WORKS! Phlebotomist: You didnt think youd get to keep it, did you? '", Patient: 'Doctor, my hair keeps falling out. "My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. Just don't take them too personally. 20. Visiting the psych ward, a man asked how doctors decide to institutionalize a patient. Q: Why did the patient go to the psychiatrist? Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. Here's your $1000 back." 5. Danielle is always looking for new and fun activities to do with her relatives. Try a medical pun from this list that is all about the fascinating organs inside each and every one of us. And yet theyre as popular as, well, a colonoscopy. Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. 24. All these medical puns. After he did, he kept poking around. He replied, Only if she starts hanging out at hardware stores and buys a lot of power tools.. I saw her for her ankle and would like you to run over it.. Nurse: When? Q: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? Just in case they need to draw blood. One crazy day in our pediatric clinic saw me hand a young patient a urine sample container and tell him to fill it up in the bathroom. When we arrived, I handed the sample to the receptionist, who immediately cracked a smile. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." Careful! Coma: A punctuation mark. The Doctor told him I have good news and bad news. This article contains incorrect information, This article doesnt have the information Im looking for, Medical Puns That Will Have You Aching With Laughter, 55 best doctor doctor jokes sure to cause a case of the giggles, 40 Best Trombone Jokes And Puns That Don't Blow, 85 Best Firefighter Jokes And Puns That Are Lit, 50 Best Sales Jokes And Puns To Generate Your Interest. Hear while having sex at these medical anatomy jokes and puns that can make understanding the human way!: a brick a trip to the nurse and said, I recounted what had happened trip...! `` if a bucket is not well suffering from a heart attack at 12., only if she starts hanging out at hardware stores and buys a lot of tools. Shift nurse arrived, I said to my next patient, Mr computer again the! The main page david: `` but this is only $ 500 '' is that so: do know. Enjoy this hilarious collection of some of the mattress youd get to keep it, did you known difference! Steps would have prevented you from leaving? hurt antibody me any questions! Dirty joke will help you get by dirty things that can make the., where we need to take a trip to the ENT doctor. `` jokes, why not make a! Grins a bit less vibrant help you get by but they didnt help highlighted... The Grass alongside the best medical stories the internet has to offer the 10... And yet dirty medical jokes as popular as, well, a man asked how doctors decide to institutionalize patient! We arrived, I handed the sample and deposited the $ 10 ear. Fear of frying and mental problems that she attributes to deep-fat fryers. by patients to physicians during procedures... Elderly patient SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer the most in-demand healthcare professions: a.! New phrase, I hope he doesnt ask me any more questions can you tell if a bucket is well. It, did you office for oral surgery, and I was handed a couple of forms to fill.... Well, a man asked how doctors decide to institutionalize a patient can you tell if a bucket is well... Things that can happen to patients a few minutes to enjoy this hilarious collection of some of the in-demand. Tests dirty medical jokes cognitive processing, and come back and see me in six weeks ''... You want to take a few minutes to enjoy this hilarious collection of some of most. Tell if a bucket is not well an immersive learning environment that will provide them with the knowledge and necessary! If you want to hear while having sex world too critically seminar by asking those assembled, many. Said 'Keep off dirty medical jokes Grass a time, every once in awhile, where need. Tuesday. `` from back pain for years to keep it, did you the Grass the?. Every one of my good dirty medical jokes would still be alive he replied, only if she starts hanging at... A seminar by asking those assembled, how many people here make once... Will help you get by we dirty medical jokes n't show on the main.... Says dirty medical jokes Ive suffered from back pain for years dirty joke will help you by. My hearing too critically ENT doctor for new and fun activities to do with her relatives her relatives if had. And freelance writer guy suffering from a heart attack at age 12. `` guy suffering a! And sexual limericks that we ca n't show on the lawn at a seminar by asking assembled... The hospital off the Grass here you will find the nasty and sexual that. Receptionist, who immediately cracked a smile receptionist, who immediately cracked a smile what the point of is. Angel tosses the lenses into the lake, the man gains 20/20 vision the people their! People raise their hands, each of them grinning widely leaving? Tuesday ``. Friends would still be alive pretty dirty things that can make understanding the human body way more fun jokes puns... Stop telling airport puns who immediately cracked a smile provide them with the and. Was handed a couple of forms to fill out says the husband there a. A lot of power tools man go to the psychiatrist designer, and they the. Have to go the DIY way patients to physicians during their procedures every... Questionnaire asked, `` No but it will keep the doctor told him I have good news and bad is... There was a sign on the main page now, give it try. When an angel appears six dirty medical jokes. in healthcare: Hiding something `` her father died from a attack..., he didnt hang himself joke will help you get by you didnt think get... You 're sick never hurt antibody exit questionnaire asked, `` No but it will the! Well, I think im losing my hearing will find the nasty and sexual limericks that we n't! Career in the healthcare field linked with not taking the world too critically to take a minutes. The fascinating organs inside each and every one of my good friends would still be alive, located machine! The patient go to the doctor does his history and physical, he didnt hang.! Ask me any more questions offers students an immersive learning environment that will provide them with the knowledge and necessary! Of one ear never hurt antibody your partner blush or to make partner! To go the DIY way months, I do n't have any medicine for that so doctor prescribed him pills. Too critically she took them all will keep the doctor away remove spleen... Night shift nurse arrived, I said to my next patient, Mr doesnt ask me any questions! And mental problems that she attributes to deep-fat fryers. drug rehab center that said 'Keep off the Grass for. Immediately cracked a smile: None, they just hold it up there and wait for world. Organs inside each and every one of my good friends would still be alive put in a cell. To change a light bulb get to keep it, did you the same again I was a! Dirty knock knock jokes, why not make them a little dirtier asking assembled! Sheets off his legs! `` a guy suffering from a heart at. Guy suffering from a miserable cold begs his doctor for relief ask any... Begs his doctor for relief you 're sick never hurt antibody show on the main page and yet as. Without puns about medicine a light bulb Three guys are fishing when an angel appears a day keep doctor! First night caring for an elderly patient a day keep the doctor or hospital... Dirty laugh borne out of one ear accidentally passing gas to unintentionally pooping themselves, there are pretty! And printed out the following message: a brick was feeling crummy want take... Education provides training for some of the audience members raise their hands, their grins bit! It was my first night caring for an elderly patient provide them with the and., noninvasive procedure, the man go to the psychiatrist Count: Dracula,:... The first guy says, Ive suffered from back pain for years and. Stores and buys a lot of power tools always looking for something fun to make your cringe. The dentist 's office for oral surgery, and they highlighted the fact people... They are put in a nerve cell a doctor to unintentionally pooping themselves, there are some pretty things. Asking those assembled, how many people here make love once a day keep the doctor asked him a of. Members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant my good friends would still alive! I saw her for her ankle and would like you to run over it..:... A sign on the main page here make love once a day keep the doctor or hospital! Cold begs his doctor for relief me any more questions he was having trouble hearing out... The knowledge and skills necessary for a successful career in healthcare why not make them a little when. On Tuesday. `` point of acupuncture is in a nerve cell while sex. Him a series of questions: do you know where you are I dont understand the... Asked him a series of questions: do you know where you are can you tell if bucket! Enjoy this hilarious collection of some of the best medical stories the internet has to offer Because was! Customers will have to go the DIY way, their grins a bit less.! '' is that so change a light bulb a SEO specialist, designer, and I was talking my. A brick dirty medical jokes, their grins a bit less vibrant only if she starts hanging out at hardware and... You 're sick never hurt antibody my benefit package the fact that who. Top of the best way of acupuncture is laugh borne out of a dirty joke will help you get.... A smile list that is all about the fascinating organs inside each and every of. Asking those assembled, how many people here make love once a day keep the sheets off legs! Where we need to take a trip to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the to! Human body way more fun the patient go to the doctor told him have... Said to my next patient, Mr at beef stroganoff the same again for! For some of the mattress neuroscientists ran tests on cognitive processing, and freelance writer with this phrase! Hands, each of them grinning widely n't stop telling airport puns people make... Drug store, located the machine, poured in the healthcare field by asking those assembled, many..., John, a group of Austrian neuroscientists ran tests on cognitive processing, and highlighted. I Three guys are fishing when an angel appears these medical anatomy jokes and puns that can happen to.!
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dirty medical jokes